Sexual abuse, incest and pedophilia is an unspoken rite de passage of countless unnamed girls - AND boys. And our world is yet to fully accept the FACT of it. We sit at our TV screens amazed and dismayed at the Penn State University former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, who, it has recently come to the surface, has spent 15 or so years grooming and sodomizing boys, whom he was in charge of coaching. I tuned into the news at the beginning of the dramatic media spotlight, listening to much focus on the 'unfair' firing of Penn State's institutional icon, Coach Joe Paterno, because he apparently knew about concerns that Sandusky was abusing boys. This most latest media revelation of the scum that exists on this planet focused so much on Paterno's 'plight' that it cast great shadows against spotlighting the true victims - the boys, now men, who have been molested and sodomized by Sandusky. A couple nights ago I happened to be in the same room as the TV, and forced myself to listen to an update of this news-'story' for a few minutes. While the focus has somewhat shifted from Coach Paterno, to the male victims of Sandusky's perverse sins, the media continues to highlight, more so, the societal shock of the reality of this tragedy, than the actual events and circumstances that allowed this evil to occur. Sure, the media and anyone commentating wants to lay the blame on staff at Penn State. And thus far, it seems legitimate to hold a few of them accountable to what appears to be their lack of concerted effort to bring Sandusky's activities with boys into question. But at the risk of being burnt at the stake for heresy let me present these tidbit FACTS:
Mothers and Fathers often do not believe the daughters and sons brave enough to speak up about abuse or, at the very least, try, in whatever way, to communicate to the parent their sense of danger and concern about an individual whom they are uncomfortable with. Thus, parents continue to leave their children in unsafe environments among those who will harm them for the sake of the convenience of a babysitter to take their child off their hands after a long day's work. And I hear all of y'all gasping for breath and I'm sure your eyes are bugged out in disbelief at what I just stated, but BREATHE for a minute and hear me out...
I am not laying the 'blame' on anyone. In this evil world stuff happens, and some of it is waaaayyyy out of our capacity and cognitive ability to control. What I am attempting to present here are some FACTS about life that allow Sandusky's type of sin to be far too commonplace a milestone in many childhoods. Our society, and I speak with a 'westernized' world in mind, is rife with accepted modes of thinking and doing that perpetuate the ability of sexually perverse people to prey on children. We often dismiss the older man who 'like ah ripe fing' (a pubescent girl or young woman), as 'just a dirty ole man', when many times that dirty ole man is getting down and dirty with our children. We dismiss the pregnancies that occur among girls whose contact with males was limited to her own family members, because, well, teen pregnancy is on the rise with this wild generation, isn't it? Does it occur to us that some of these male family members who were openly hell bent on making sure 'no man gwan touch what is mines' are the ones who touch and rape their own daughters, nieces, and cousins with a sense that their child's sexuality belongs to them? We dismiss the genital infections, sores and rashes that occur in children not even old enough to know the word sex, much less perform it, because it could not possibly be that anyone is penetrating, sexually rubbing, fingering or performing oral sex on our little people, could they? We assume that same ignorance when sexually transmitted diseases and infections are found in teenagers, whom we tend to presume are simply 'doing what teenagers do', and having unprotected sex, willingly and willfully with the boy/girl next door (never mind the FACT that they should not be having sex at all, in accordance with the divine and supremely wise command of God). We dismiss the fear and hesitation we see in children's eyes when their daddy or uncle, or some trusted male, wants to take them on outings, by himself because we could do with a break from all their noise, and they're just being defiant in not wanting to go, aren't they? We dismiss the teenagers who invite boys/girls over when mammy and daddy not home, to repeat the abuse inflicted upon them by fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends and strangers, because, well, 'they're just being rebellious teenagers', right? All the while ignoring the possibility that, as a reaction to their powerlessness at the hand of a perpetrator, inviting sex is the only way these teenagers can maintain power over their own sexuality. We dismiss our 'quiet' children who can't seem to function socially in the presence of adults, as 'shy', and those who throw fits, or are defiant in the presence of adults they have come to know as abusive, as "too malkawayson" (troublesome, unmannerly). It does not seem to occur to us that our children may either be spiritually in tune with the evil in a person, or may have experienced something with that person that causes them to be cautious. Instead we are upset, and bothered when others become offended, that our children grimace or shun physical contact with relatives, friends and 'friendly strangers' who 'just want to hug or kiss and greet' our children. We do not pay attention to these subtle cues from our children because we are caught up in the hustle bustle of our own adult lives and needs. And over time, amidst the hustle bustle, we demonstrate to our children, through our deliberate or inadvertent neglect to communicate and be engaged in their lives, that they will not be heard, not be understood, not be accepted. So our children keep the secrets of perverted men and women who groom them for sexually perverted acts, and will even allow those same evil people to touch them, because we have neglected to touch them in an emotionally whole way that says to them that they are the center and joy of our world, instead of the inconvenient, noisy, boisterous balls of energy that we just have to sign up for activities and shuffle off to coaches and daycare workers, and car pools with any available relatives and friends, and even 'safe' strangers, who live in our neighborhoods, have children at our children's schools/activity clubs because, well, we gotta hustle and make that dough, or we gotta just be away from the whining and tantrums of, and the arguments with the children we created.
We dismiss our children, because in our world "children should be seen and not heard", and us adults must have our 'time away to ourselves' from the stress and noise of managing bouncing, loud, unruly children. It is a FACT that it takes a village to raise a child...but when was the last time you surprised the coach by showing up for practice to watch and assist your children in the activity you normally just drop them off for, or have the daycare after-school bus take them to? Have you shown up unexpectedly early to pick up your son or daughter from the person you left them with or do you maintain predictable times that a pervert learns to take advantage off? When did you last sift through your teenager's bedroom and read through their papers and books, their hard drive on their laptop/PC, their phone text messages and contact numbers? Have you ever examined your children's underwear for blood, semen stains, excessive genital discharge? Have you talked to them frankly and plainly about alerting you about what goes on behind the closed doors of the classroom, sports court, movie theater, and your own house? When did you last talk calmly and lovingly to your 3, 7, 10 year old who keeps driving you crazy with their whining and tantrums and defiance? Because you do recognize that a bridge of communication built early in life is one of the greatest offenses against perverts who will groom a child to keep secrets from you, don't you? When was the last time you spoke openly to encourage and maintain communication with your children, the children in your family, in your community? We are their guardians and their best offense (and defense) against the sin that plagues the world and tries to snatch their purpose and their destiny, by robbing them of their innocence. When was the last time you prayed that God reveals to you any matter in your children's lives that will require your oversight, guidance and protection? And when was the last time you heeded that voice within you?
We may not be able to protect every child. The pedophile is cunning. "And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthians 11:14). He or she will begin his/her grooming of YOU, if necessary. And by that I mean, a pedophile will do whatever it takes to gain the trust of the adult guardian of a child, so as to gain liberty of access to the child he/she wants to use to satisfy their perverted sexual fantasies. In the reality of the bustle of this world, and more than often the need for both parents to work, or a single parent to work, and even work two jobs, time with our children is precious and limited and we must rely on other people, like teachers, coaches, pastors, priests, neighbors, friends and family to help us manage our schedules and our children. Pedophiles know that. They are often finding jobs or filling roles in life that will allow them to become part of the village that raises your child. But rather than blame these sick and evil people who prey on our children and their innocence and insecurities, let's man up our fort and do what it takes to keep creating an offense against keeping secrets from parents, against, our children feeling the need to be loved, desired, wanted, and accepted by others outside of ourselves, by being as involved as we possibly can with our children's lives, by loving them for the gift that they are, by establishing open communication, by educating our children against the ways of a pedophile, and ways to protect themselves, by speaking with us about all aspects of their lives, from the trivial to the deep, and by keeping our doors of communication free of fear of rebuke and lack of acceptance. None of this is easy. None of this is simple. But none of this is achieved by accepting the inevitability of being an imperfect parent. We cannot do it all, but we can do far more than our flesh is willing to put effort towards. Parenting is a selfless act. It requires much submission of our lives for the betterment of another. There are going to be days that seem straight out of hell. It is a FACT that children can indeed test the patient of a saint, as I frequently heard my mother say growing up. But they did not ask to be here. We did whatever we did behind closed doors - well, except some of you freaky people :), and now they are here, in our custody and stewardship.
Perhaps it is my annal tendency to look for the loci of control within myself that has me see this latest tragic revelation of abuse by Sandusky with the perspective I chose to discuss. But truly, blaming and pointing fingers at the sick evil people of the world is too easy. If we do not look to ourselves and create a solid play of offense, the entire game of our children's lives will be lost to the barraging defense that Satan has launched against the world and our children. The original sin of man was our first surrender of offensive strategy against evil. The Devil has a great defensive line up, and his players will run through any hole you leave open. Stay alert and in the game!................."Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (Ephesians 6: 10-18)
***
Mothers and Fathers often do not believe the daughters and sons brave enough to speak up about abuse or, at the very least, try, in whatever way, to communicate to the parent their sense of danger and concern about an individual whom they are uncomfortable with. Thus, parents continue to leave their children in unsafe environments among those who will harm them for the sake of the convenience of a babysitter to take their child off their hands after a long day's work. And I hear all of y'all gasping for breath and I'm sure your eyes are bugged out in disbelief at what I just stated, but BREATHE for a minute and hear me out...
I am not laying the 'blame' on anyone. In this evil world stuff happens, and some of it is waaaayyyy out of our capacity and cognitive ability to control. What I am attempting to present here are some FACTS about life that allow Sandusky's type of sin to be far too commonplace a milestone in many childhoods. Our society, and I speak with a 'westernized' world in mind, is rife with accepted modes of thinking and doing that perpetuate the ability of sexually perverse people to prey on children. We often dismiss the older man who 'like ah ripe fing' (a pubescent girl or young woman), as 'just a dirty ole man', when many times that dirty ole man is getting down and dirty with our children. We dismiss the pregnancies that occur among girls whose contact with males was limited to her own family members, because, well, teen pregnancy is on the rise with this wild generation, isn't it? Does it occur to us that some of these male family members who were openly hell bent on making sure 'no man gwan touch what is mines' are the ones who touch and rape their own daughters, nieces, and cousins with a sense that their child's sexuality belongs to them? We dismiss the genital infections, sores and rashes that occur in children not even old enough to know the word sex, much less perform it, because it could not possibly be that anyone is penetrating, sexually rubbing, fingering or performing oral sex on our little people, could they? We assume that same ignorance when sexually transmitted diseases and infections are found in teenagers, whom we tend to presume are simply 'doing what teenagers do', and having unprotected sex, willingly and willfully with the boy/girl next door (never mind the FACT that they should not be having sex at all, in accordance with the divine and supremely wise command of God). We dismiss the fear and hesitation we see in children's eyes when their daddy or uncle, or some trusted male, wants to take them on outings, by himself because we could do with a break from all their noise, and they're just being defiant in not wanting to go, aren't they? We dismiss the teenagers who invite boys/girls over when mammy and daddy not home, to repeat the abuse inflicted upon them by fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends and strangers, because, well, 'they're just being rebellious teenagers', right? All the while ignoring the possibility that, as a reaction to their powerlessness at the hand of a perpetrator, inviting sex is the only way these teenagers can maintain power over their own sexuality. We dismiss our 'quiet' children who can't seem to function socially in the presence of adults, as 'shy', and those who throw fits, or are defiant in the presence of adults they have come to know as abusive, as "too malkawayson" (troublesome, unmannerly). It does not seem to occur to us that our children may either be spiritually in tune with the evil in a person, or may have experienced something with that person that causes them to be cautious. Instead we are upset, and bothered when others become offended, that our children grimace or shun physical contact with relatives, friends and 'friendly strangers' who 'just want to hug or kiss and greet' our children. We do not pay attention to these subtle cues from our children because we are caught up in the hustle bustle of our own adult lives and needs. And over time, amidst the hustle bustle, we demonstrate to our children, through our deliberate or inadvertent neglect to communicate and be engaged in their lives, that they will not be heard, not be understood, not be accepted. So our children keep the secrets of perverted men and women who groom them for sexually perverted acts, and will even allow those same evil people to touch them, because we have neglected to touch them in an emotionally whole way that says to them that they are the center and joy of our world, instead of the inconvenient, noisy, boisterous balls of energy that we just have to sign up for activities and shuffle off to coaches and daycare workers, and car pools with any available relatives and friends, and even 'safe' strangers, who live in our neighborhoods, have children at our children's schools/activity clubs because, well, we gotta hustle and make that dough, or we gotta just be away from the whining and tantrums of, and the arguments with the children we created.
We dismiss our children, because in our world "children should be seen and not heard", and us adults must have our 'time away to ourselves' from the stress and noise of managing bouncing, loud, unruly children. It is a FACT that it takes a village to raise a child...but when was the last time you surprised the coach by showing up for practice to watch and assist your children in the activity you normally just drop them off for, or have the daycare after-school bus take them to? Have you shown up unexpectedly early to pick up your son or daughter from the person you left them with or do you maintain predictable times that a pervert learns to take advantage off? When did you last sift through your teenager's bedroom and read through their papers and books, their hard drive on their laptop/PC, their phone text messages and contact numbers? Have you ever examined your children's underwear for blood, semen stains, excessive genital discharge? Have you talked to them frankly and plainly about alerting you about what goes on behind the closed doors of the classroom, sports court, movie theater, and your own house? When did you last talk calmly and lovingly to your 3, 7, 10 year old who keeps driving you crazy with their whining and tantrums and defiance? Because you do recognize that a bridge of communication built early in life is one of the greatest offenses against perverts who will groom a child to keep secrets from you, don't you? When was the last time you spoke openly to encourage and maintain communication with your children, the children in your family, in your community? We are their guardians and their best offense (and defense) against the sin that plagues the world and tries to snatch their purpose and their destiny, by robbing them of their innocence. When was the last time you prayed that God reveals to you any matter in your children's lives that will require your oversight, guidance and protection? And when was the last time you heeded that voice within you?
We may not be able to protect every child. The pedophile is cunning. "And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthians 11:14). He or she will begin his/her grooming of YOU, if necessary. And by that I mean, a pedophile will do whatever it takes to gain the trust of the adult guardian of a child, so as to gain liberty of access to the child he/she wants to use to satisfy their perverted sexual fantasies. In the reality of the bustle of this world, and more than often the need for both parents to work, or a single parent to work, and even work two jobs, time with our children is precious and limited and we must rely on other people, like teachers, coaches, pastors, priests, neighbors, friends and family to help us manage our schedules and our children. Pedophiles know that. They are often finding jobs or filling roles in life that will allow them to become part of the village that raises your child. But rather than blame these sick and evil people who prey on our children and their innocence and insecurities, let's man up our fort and do what it takes to keep creating an offense against keeping secrets from parents, against, our children feeling the need to be loved, desired, wanted, and accepted by others outside of ourselves, by being as involved as we possibly can with our children's lives, by loving them for the gift that they are, by establishing open communication, by educating our children against the ways of a pedophile, and ways to protect themselves, by speaking with us about all aspects of their lives, from the trivial to the deep, and by keeping our doors of communication free of fear of rebuke and lack of acceptance. None of this is easy. None of this is simple. But none of this is achieved by accepting the inevitability of being an imperfect parent. We cannot do it all, but we can do far more than our flesh is willing to put effort towards. Parenting is a selfless act. It requires much submission of our lives for the betterment of another. There are going to be days that seem straight out of hell. It is a FACT that children can indeed test the patient of a saint, as I frequently heard my mother say growing up. But they did not ask to be here. We did whatever we did behind closed doors - well, except some of you freaky people :), and now they are here, in our custody and stewardship.
Perhaps it is my annal tendency to look for the loci of control within myself that has me see this latest tragic revelation of abuse by Sandusky with the perspective I chose to discuss. But truly, blaming and pointing fingers at the sick evil people of the world is too easy. If we do not look to ourselves and create a solid play of offense, the entire game of our children's lives will be lost to the barraging defense that Satan has launched against the world and our children. The original sin of man was our first surrender of offensive strategy against evil. The Devil has a great defensive line up, and his players will run through any hole you leave open. Stay alert and in the game!................."Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (Ephesians 6: 10-18)
Death began when unplayed hands, unmoved by the deadening silence of my silver-toned instrument, rose not to conduct the orchestra of screams that came in rounds from my Spirit. Instead, in dirge-like fashion, I marched towards fated grief, as a lamb to the slaughter - another child robbed of her innocence...
Le Petit Mort © 2008 Kalinago Woryi
I was a Good
Girl
© 2009 Kalinago Woryi
When I was alone they came
fingers prying
rubbing
robbing
then shame
I lay like stone
pretending them away
I was a good girl
I did not scream nor complain
It became a game
of hide and seek
I kept their secret
I was a good girl
growing up looking for their 'love'
desiring their touch
even seeking out a rub in the dark
I still can't recall every face
just hands
wrapping
rubbing
forcing me to want my 'secret love'
I was a good girl
I learned well how to suck cock
for lollipops
could make a man come in two minutes flat
touching him in places no other woman could
I was going to be a good wife someday
at least that's what they would say
no man wanted a prude in his bed
girls had to learn early what to do
I was a good girl
did my homework well
knew how to look like I wanted more
when I was dying inside
Excelled in threesomes with pride
I was too much for one man by 18
graduated Kama Sutra cum laude
taking it up the ass
I loved it best that way
I could pretend better their perversions away
They did not come in my Holy Place then
I was a good girl
dying inside a woman's body
of shame
of dirtiness
of disgust
that I could trust another so much
to fulfill their sick lust
And then to desire the same intimate touch
To pleasure my man
confused at whether he is my abuser for liking it
or whether I was the pervert for doing it
I was a good girl once...
Then He came into my life
and washed away the shame
dirtiness
disgust
His touch was what I was searching for
The Love I had not known
The Love I had lost sight of
when they
came
inside of me
inside my Soul
robbing me of my first
kiss from Him
first penetrating
all consuming
Love from Him
I was a good girl
And God’s Loving Touch has made me a Woman
With a desire and passion to LOVE
Wholly
Completely
Without shame
Without dirtiness
Without disgust
The Man He gave to show me True Love.
Follow Spoken Word Artist, MissTerious Janette…ikz (pronounced mysterious genetics):
Twitter: @iamgenetics http://www.twitter.com/iamgenetics
***
- 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
- 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
- 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
- Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
- An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.
- 84 percent of prison inmates were abused as children.
- 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member.
- Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
- Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know.
- More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8.
- Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12.
- Most children don’t tell even if they have been asked
- Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious, and many children do not report that they have been abused.
- Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to ANYONE.
- Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
- Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
- Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.
- Consequences of child sexual abuse begin affecting children and families immediately. They also affect society in innumerable and negative ways. These effects can continue throughout the life of the survivor so the impact on society for just one survivor continues over multiple decades. Try to imagine the impact of 39 million survivors.
- The way a victim’s family responds to abuse plays an important role in how the incident affects the victim.
- Sexually abused children who keep it a secret or who “tell” and are not believed are at greater risk than the general population for psychological, emotional, social, and physical problems often lasting into adulthood.
- Children who have been victims of sexual abuse are more likely to experience physical health problems (e.g., headaches).
- Victims of child sexual abuse report more symptoms of PTSD, more sadness, and more school problems than non-victims.
- Victims of child sexual abuse are more likely to experience major depressive disorder as adults.
- Young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders as adolescents.
- Adolescent victims of violent crime have difficulty in the transition to adulthood, are more likely to suffer financial failure and physical injury, and are at risk to fail in other areas due to problem behaviors and outcomes of the victimization.
- Victims of child sexual abuse report more substance abuse problems. 70-80% of sexual abuse survivors report excessive drug and alcohol use.
- Young girls who are sexually abused are 3 times more likely to develop psychiatric disorders or alcohol and drug abuse in adulthood, than girls who are not sexually abused.
- Among male survivors, more than 70% seek psychological treatment for issues such as substance abuse, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. Males who have been sexually abused are more likely to violently victimize others.
- Children who have been victims of sexual abuse exhibit long-term and more frequent behavioral problems, particularly inappropriate sexual behaviors.
- Women who report childhood rape are 3 times more likely to become pregnant before age 18.
- An estimated 60% of teen first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. The average age of their offenders is 27 years.
- Victims of child sexual abuse are more likely to be sexually promiscuous.
- More than 75% of teenage prostitutes have been sexually abused.
- Adolescents who suffer violent victimization are at risk for being victims or perpetrators of felony assault, domestic violence, and property offense as adults.
- Nearly 50% of women in prison state that they were abused as children.
- Over 75% of serial rapists report they were sexually abused as youngsters.
- Most perpetrators don’t molest only one child if they are not reported and stopped.
- Nearly 70% of child sex offenders have between 1 and 9 victims; at least 20% have 10 to 40 victims.
- An average serial child molester may have as many as 400 victims in his lifetime.
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